Grief, due to the loss of a loved one, is experienced by everyone at some…
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Reflections of a First Time Grandmother Love, Memories, and Emotions
I am a grandmother, finally. At the age of 67 years and with three children in their mid to upper 30’s, I could only hope and wonder if I would ever be a grandma. I respect my children and would never pressure or impose guilt, but OH how I wished I could be a grandmother, especially as my friends told me about the great joys, excitement, and pride they experienced as they had grandchildren.
Last fall, Jim and I received the great news. We were due to be grandparents in May. As soon as I heard, I was quick to tell all my grandparent friends, as I knew they would be excited and delight in my news. One of the first things many people asked me was, “What do you want to be called?” So many choices, Grandmother, Grandma, Grammy, Gram, Me-ma, Me-maw, Mimi, Gigi, Babička or Bubba, in the Slovak tradition of my family or Dadi or Dadiji, in the Hindu or Indian culture of my daughter-in-law. I really never thought about what I wanted to be called but decided on Grandma. After talking with many of my friends who are grandmothers, I learned most likely the first grandchild would choose my grandmother title and the subsequent grandchildren will follow.
The Birthday.
Jim and I were blessed with a beautiful granddaughter on May 19. On Saturday, we received word that our son Matthew and his wife Namrata (Matt and Nam) were heading to the hospital. The baby arrived at 9:15 pm, but that was Pacific Standard Time. The labor was long as with many first babies, so we kept getting updates. Sometimes we worried when we heard nothing. We were in constant communication with our two daughters, hoping for more information. At the same time, we tried to respect the privacy of Matt and Nam, but WOW, it was hard. On Sunday evening, Matt let us know that Nam’s labor was intense, but nothing imminent. Of course, we could not sleep. Finally, around midnight EST, Matt texted, “She’s coming”. And less than 15 minutes later, we received a picture of Mother and Baby. Needless to say, I could not fall asleep as intense joy filled my heart and my brain. I am a Grandmother!
Baby Saavi.
Since the baby would have Matt’s last name the rest of her life, our daughter-in-law chose a Hindu name for her daughter’s first name. Both Matt and Nam agreed on the name Saavi. The name means “one who flows” and is associated with the Hindu goddess Lakshmi, the sun, brightness, power, and leadership. The name is perfect for this little, bright girl. I believe that her name sets the tone for her place in this world.
Waiting to Meet Our New Baby.
To respect the cultural traditions of Nam’s family, some who traveled from India, Jim and I did not see Saavi Spencer until she was three weeks old. Oh, how I wanted to hold my baby granddaughter Saavi but respecting the situation, I knew it would be best if we waited. It seemed like an interminable wait but finally we boarded a plane to Las Vegas, NV. As the plane was flying through the air, I was flying higher than ever before!
Love at First Site.
Just like it was love at first site with each of my children, it was love at first site with Saavi. Also, I sensed an even deeper love with my daughter-in-law. We loved Nam from the start. She is kind, friendly, smart, and the perfect match for Matt. What I found with the birth of our granddaughter was a validation of “Love at first site”.
We Finally Meet Saavi.
Saavi was three weeks old at our first meeting. All I could do that first day was smile. I smiled when I looked at her. I smiled even wider when I held her. I smiled with my heart when I watched my son hold and care for his baby girl. He was so gentle. I felt an overwhelming pride. Matt was loving, a natural caregiver. Speaking of natural, grandmothering came naturally to me. I felt like I knew Saavi from the moment I met her. I comforted her with ease and greatly enjoyed meeting all her needs, even changing poopy diapers. Saavi kept us on our toes, and we loved every minute.
Memories of My Mother and My Babies.
Many memories of my mother came to me as I cared for Saavi. I remembered songs she sang and phrases she said. “Hush little baby, don’t say a word…” “I love you, a bushel and a peck…” “Playmate, come out and play with me…” I found myself singing songs I hadn’t sung since my children were babies and those were songs that my mother sang to me. Just as my mother always told us she loved us and I told my babies I loved them, I kept telling Saavi, “Grandma loves you”.
Emotions.
Emotions of joy and happiness stayed with me for the 16 days I spent with my Saavi. I held her whenever I could and occasionally, I was reminded that I needed to put her on the play mat or in her bassinet so she would not expect to be held all the time. I complied but thought – I’m the Grand-Mother and it’s my job to give my little baby whatever she wants. Isn’t that what a Grandma does? Just kidding…I know the importance of discipline and routine, BUT she’s just a newborn and I’m her grandma.
Looking Forward.
Even though Saavi is my first grandchild, I know that one of the most exciting opportunities is being able to see the world through a child’s eyes again. The joy and wonder that children display is contagious. I am looking forward to loving Saavi unconditionally, telling her stories about her daddy, sharing Spencer family traditions with her, and learning more about the Indian and Hindu traditions of Namrata.
Love, memories and emotions prevail. I am blessed. I am a Grandmother.