Let’s be honest…transitions in life, whether positive or negative, can be difficult and disruptive. Change is hard. Most of us don’t love it, and we usually don’t want the people around us to change either. Change can feel scary and even a little threatening, but the truth is, it’s one of the few constants in life. And if we’re not changing, we’re not growing.

Learning how to manage our fears—especially the ones that pop up when we think change might be a threat—is an important skill. There are two kinds of transitions we typically face: intrinsic ones (the changes we choose, like a divorce or retirement) and extrinsic ones (the changes that happen to us, like losing a loved one or a job).

Over time, I’ve noticed that when individuals are going through a transition, three parts of their lives tend to feel especially vulnerable. I refer to them as the “Triple Threats”:

• Self: Worries about who you’ll become on the other side of the change
• Relationships: Concerns about how the change will affect your partner or family
• Community: Fears about how people in your broader circles might judge you

Here’s a simple example: I can’t get divorced because I can’t imagine being single again (Self/identity). My kids would never forgive me (Relationships). And as a Catholic, I’d feel judged by my church community (Community).

The key to helping yourself or supporting others going through a transition is to acknowledge these Triple Threats and gently work through each one. Try reframing the situation, staying curious, and leaning into a growth mindset as you figure out what comes next.

Mary Ellen Waltemire is a credentialed leadership coach, trained and certified by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). She is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation and recently certified as a transitional coach.